


Where You Lead, I Will Follow

by panlesters



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Christmas, M/M, Mentions of Phil's family - Freeform, hurt/comfort?, it's kind of cliche but i'm tired so i dont care, mentions of Dan's family, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 23:00:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17354246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panlesters/pseuds/panlesters
Summary: all you have to do is call my name and I'll be there, on the next train.





	Where You Lead, I Will Follow

**Author's Note:**

> so i've been on a gilmore girls binge and the theme song gave me a slight vibe so here's this i guess   
> it's lazy and nothing really happens but enjoy anyway

There was always something not quite right about returning to his parents’ home in Wokingham, to the same brown bedroom and rickety bed. It’s a happier place than it used to be. He gets along with his brother and his parents have time for him. Walking the dog has become something they can do together, somehow he can enjoy getting up earlier if it means going out into the frosty field not far from his house and watching Colin pad through the grass as the leaves crunch under their feet in a way he never used to appreciate when he was younger. But it drains him. There’s always the hope that it will be different, that spending time with in that old house surrounded by his less than happy past won’t drop his mood through the floor when he least expects it.

Dan can feel the way his heart begins to sink the more he sits alone in his room on his laptop. His parents are in the kitchen, Adrian has gone out for a run. He has the comforting weight of Colin on his legs and he can cling to that feeling of contentment, for a while.

He can almost feel the way the energy seeps out of him, through each fingertip and each breath. Every time he blinks, the world drains a little more, desaturating the tiniest amount. He’s almost forgotten the happy feeling that was present in his chest when he woke up this morning. Now when he wiggles his toes in the hopes of grounding himself on Colin, he feels numb.

He could text Phil. The thought makes him huff a little at the idea. Memories of numbness and clinging onto Phil, years and years ago, remind him of a time when his boyfriend was away from him more than next to him. He’s not sure how he ever coped.

Something stops Dan from texting him. He’s not sure whether it’s the numbness, whether he doesn’t have the energy to lift his arm, find his phone and start a conversation; or whether it’s the fact that Phil is currently on the Isle of Man, enjoying a nice Christmas with Kath and Nigel. God, Dan misses him. It’s been a day, and Dan can already feel the ache in his chest that only comes from being away from Phil. He wishes he could still taste the unhealthily buttery mince pies Kath had insisted he eat while he was there. Mostly he just wishes his hand was still in Phil’s, that Phil was there to rest his head against as he absentmindedly played some video game he wasn’t really that interested in.

 

It’s not until Dan’s back in their apartment in London that he thinks maybe he should talk to Phil. It’s not like they’ve dropped all communication, but Dan’s learnt very well over the years how to hide his feelings and talk like he’s fine over text. But he’s fed up of lying to Phil, and he’s fed up of pretending he’s okay. He’s grateful when he feels his phone buzz in his pocket as he pours himself some cereal – he can barely even pretend he doesn’t miss opening the box to find it a lot emptier than when he left it – and he pulls out his phone to see a message from Phil.

_Hey Bear. How’s home without me?_

Dan sighs and decides he needs to drop the act and be honest with Phil. It’s for the best, he supposes.

_it’s cold,_ he writes, _and i miss you. having a bad time._

_Bad how?_ Phil’s reply is almost instant, and Dan can picture the way his forehead creases and his brow furrows in concern.

_normal post-wokingham blues i guess._

Phil sends a sad face emoji and tells Dan he’ll be as home as soon as he can. Dan knows that it’ll be difficult for him to drag himself away from his family. He loves being around them, and Dan wishes he could relate to that. Things are definitely better, and he’s grown past the angst that overtook him in the earlier years of his life. Even if it hasn’t been replaced with the need to see them regularly, he can finally enjoy the brief few days at a time he’ll spend there every once in a while. It’s different for Phil.

Dan spends the night curled up in their bed, Phil’s hoodie wrapped around him. It’s a comfort to be near something that smells like Phil. A soft smile brushes his face as he remembers falling asleep in a borrowed hoodie next to Phil some nine years ago. He’d forgotten to pack any pyjamas and lay freezing in his boxers until Phil told him he couldn’t take the shivering any longer and dug him a hoodie out of his wardrobe. For all he remembers, it could have been this one.

When he wakes up, he can hear noises coming from somewhere else in the apartment. He jolts up and frowns, one instinct telling him to phone the police right away, the other telling him to find a makeshift weapon and venture out to stop the intruder in their tracks. By the time he’s dragged himself out of bed, armed with nothing but his phone, the smell of coffee has started to drift through the apartment and he wonders if maybe Phil came home in the night. He shakes off the idea; there’s no way Kath would let him leave on such short notice. However, when he pads into the kitchen, he sees, in the flesh, his beautiful boyfriend. He’s turned away from Dan, cooking up what sounds like scrambled eggs, humming softly and swaying his hips to whatever is playing through his headphones as he cooks.

Dan feels like he could cry. He sniffs and slowly makes his way over to the stove, where he wraps his arms around Phil and rests his head on his shoulder.

“Good morning,” Phil’s voice rumbles thickly like he hasn’t slept and Dan presses a quick kiss to the nape of his neck.

“What are you doing back?” he murmurs, tightening his arms and smiling softly.

“Hello to you too.” Phil puts down his spatula and turns in Dan’s arms, a dopey look covering his face. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, nerd,” Dan replies, pressing a soft kiss to Phil’s lips. “I thought you weren’t back till the weekend.”

“Well I told mum that my poor boyfriend was very lonely and sad and needed someone to go home and take care of him.” Phil shrugs and glances over to the other counter. “She sends her love and some more mince pies.”

Dan grins and pulls Phil into a proper hug. “Kath is a blessing.” He steps back and threads his fingers through Phil’s. “And so are you.”

Phil leans in for another quick kiss when the eggs in the pan begin to sizzle. He pulls back and raises an eyebrow. “You won’t be saying that for much longer if I burn the house down scrambling eggs.”

“It depends on how you intend to make it up to me,” Dan answers, giving Phil’s hand a squeeze before he lets it go and allows himself to just admire Phil as he shoves the eggs around the pan in an attempt to stop them burning.

Phil might not have the power to make the numb feeling go away, but he makes Dan’s world a little brighter. Maybe for now the energy will stop draining from him, and he can start to recharge.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed! comments are appreciated, come scream at me @ panlesters on tumblr


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